Mitt Romney Returns To His First Love: Porn

This happened a few days ago, but it's worth mentioning.

Willard Romney, known throughout the world of pornography simply as “Mitt” for his willingness to have five fingers...oh nevermind...has apparently returned to his pornographic roots:

BETHESDA, Md. (Bloomberg) — Mitt Romney has been reappointed to Marriott International Inc.’s board of directors.

Romney, a former governor of Massachusetts and a U.S. presidential candidate, served on the board from 1992 to 2002, Marriott said Wednesday in a statement distributed by PR Newswire.

You see, during Mittens’s tenure on the board for Marriott, the hotel aired hardcore, barely legal porno in their hotel rooms, and Mittens just lay passively in the missionary position and did nothing about it, which got many conservatives all hot and bothered

But the reason Mittens didn’t do anything, see, is because Mormons really, really, really love pornography.

It also turns out that most Americans like porno too, as it appears that many of us--not me of course--spent our stimulus checks stimulating ourselves with porno this year.

But apparently, our measly stimulus checks weren’t enough to satisfy the porno industry, as they are now demanding a bailout from the federal government.

Well, since Mitt Romney seems to know a lot of about both porn and the economy (He’s rich! Though not from porn, but maybe!), I suggest that we make him our next president in 2012.

This has been the most pleasurable post I’ve ever written.