I can start breathing again

No Iron Mike on Capitol Hill:

CHICAGO (AP) - With four months to go before the election, Illinois Republicans are desperately searching for a U.S. Senate candidate after former Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka said he wouldn't run.

"There was a moment when I said, God, I'd like to take this and run with it, and then I said, you know, put your head on straight and think about what you're getting into," Ditka said outside his restaurant.

I think this marks the first time a Senate candidate held a news conference in front of his own crappy tourist-trap restaurant.

Meanwhile, the Illinois GOP might as well make this an open seat, because they can't find a soul to run against Barack Obama. Their latest potential candidate, Dr. Andrea Barthwell, former deputy director of the Office of National Drug Control Policy, apparently told someone "I know you like it big and meaty" during a office birthday party. Somebody in the Cook County GOP floated Ted Nugent's name as a possibility, even though he (a)doesn't live in the state, (b)is a maniac and (c)is a maniac. James Oberweis, who was second in the GOP primary behind Jack Ryan (who dropped out after a scandal involving taking his ex-wife to live sex clubs), isn't even being asked.

I have some ideas for Illinois Republicans, because surely they can find a native son that'll run. Al Capone? Ronald McDonald (Hamburger University is in Oak Brook)? Ms. O'Leary's cow? A piece of sausage?