The O'Ribaldry Factor

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Debate, debate, debate. I'll get to that tomorrow. But I've got to say that the Bill O'Reilly sexual harrassment lawsuit is some of the most entertaining reading of the year. In the brief, O'Reilly, the guy who looks down with scorn at rap artists and other parts of the popular culture, the family values guy, talks about showing his penis to a "brown woman" in Bali, losing his virginity in a car at JFK, and his eagerness to get on the road so he can have affairs with "hot Italian women" away from his wife. He also repeatedly asks to engage in phone sex with his female associate producer, and then lays down this rap when she intimates that she might tell others about it:

If any woman ever breathed a word I'll make her pay so dearly she'll wish she'd never been born. I'll rake her through the mud, bring up things in her life, and make her so miserable that she'll be destroyed. And besides, she wouldn't be able to afford the lawyers that I can or endure it financially as long as I can. And nobody would believe her, it'd be her word against mine and who are they going to believe? Me or some unstable woman making outrageous accusations.

This "You like that, bitch! Don't tell anyone, bitch! Nobody'll believe you, bitch!" mentality actually makes O'Reilly the success that he is. He's a bully on the air, and now, we learn, a bully off the air as well. And the notion that any woman accusing him of anything is by her very nature unstable is quite enlightening. A lot of people are quoting the other statement O'Reilly made, where he says it won't be just him that goes after an accuser but "Roger Ailes" and "Fox News," but I think the above one speaks to his character more.

Other things I noted in the brief:

1) News Corp, parent company of Fox News, is incorporated in Delaware, which pays no state tax. Now get up off the floor after falling off your chair in surprise.

2) At one point, the plaintiff and O'Reilly watch a Bush press conference in his hotel room. She ridicules Bush and he laughs. Hmm. O'Reilly has been tacking to the left over the past few months. Bet that'll get him in trouble with Roger Ailes. "Don't ever cross Fox News!"

3) O'Reilly finishes a segment from his show where he interviews two porn stars, and declares that he is "excited." He calls the plaintiff, and starts telling her that he has a vibrator "shaped like a cock with a little battery in it." The brief says "It became apparent that the defendant (O'Reilly) was masturbating as he spoke." Is this guy 12 years old? How does it become apparent that you're masturbating? If anybody has a tape of that, I'd give them a million dollars.

4) There's a monologue on this page that's just nonstop hilarious. He calls a loofa a falafel. You can't make that one up, folks. During that conversation, it was apparent that O'Reilly was using a vibrator on himself, and came. Again, tape, people! The whole vibrator thing gives "The No-Spin Zone" a different meaning, doesn't it? Also, does he have a special room in the O'Reilly Compound for these phone calls?

Remember, O'Reilly once wrote a "novel" which involved, among other things, a long description of cunnilingus. On the unintentional comedy scale, he's way up there.