Literature Roasting On An Open Fire

It's not Christmas, but that's the tune I have in my head after reading this story:

Republican Alabama lawmaker Gerald Allen says homosexuality is an unacceptable lifestyle. As CBS News Correspondent Mark Strassmann reports, under his bill, public school libraries could no longer buy new copies of plays or books by gay authors, or about gay characters.

"I don't look at it as censorship," says State Representative Gerald Allen. "I look at it as protecting the hearts and souls and minds of our children."

Books by any gay author would have to go: Tennessee Williams, Truman Capote and Gore Vidal. Alice Walker's novel "The Color Purple" has lesbian characters.

Allen originally wanted to ban even some Shakespeare. After criticism, he narrowed his bill to exempt the classics, although he still can't define what a classic is. Also exempted now are Alabama's public and college libraries.

Banning books in Alabama... I don't think that's... whaddya call... necessary. Doesn't seem like something you need to do.

I mean, if you really want to stop the "homosexual agenda" from seeping into our children's brains through works of literature, ban the Cliff's Notes. Then they'll never find out how The Great Gatsby ends.

Back when I worked in publishing, I learned that the state of Alabama, population 4.5 million, has only 625 bookstores. That's one bookstore for every 7,200 people. However, if you break it down further, it is also one bookstore for each reader. When it says "Jim's Bookstore" in Alabama, that's for Jim. It's his store. "This mus' be where I git my coloring books."

(These are jokes, by the way, people. Don't get all libruls-hate-the-South on me.)