The Parents Television Council's (Imagined) Response to Katrina

Dear Sirs and Madams:

In the aftermath of the terrible tragedy and devastation in the Gulf Coast region wrought by Hurricane Katrina, Americans of all stripes have sought to assign blame.  Whether it's the lack of following the National Response Plan, the ingoring of decades of warnings about the levees, the generally slow federal response, or the turning back of emergency services by FEMA, we have seen the angry, loony left attempt to exploit this tragedy to their own personal Bush-hating ends.  Well, it's time to look at the real culprit for this natural disaster.

It's time to blame Hollywood.

Movies like "Twister" and "The Day After Tomorrow," and television shows like "The World's Scariest Tornadoes," do you know what they do?  They teach young, impressionable weather patterns how to unleash their destructive capabilities.  This should simply not be allowed in America.  After all, they are the public's airwaves.  They should not be used to desensitize the wind to violence.

A lot of crazy, eyes-bulging pinko liberals would undoubtedly respond to this by saying, "If you don't like it, change the channel."  But think about the children.  The light showers.  The mild breezes.  The 30% chance of sleet.  THEY DON'T KNOW IT'S A MOVIE!

In light of this fact, I am announcing the Parents Television Council's "Protect the Weather" campaign, designed to end production of all TV programming and theatrical releases that don't feature either Jesus or Hillary Duff.  It's the right thing to do in the wake of this tragedy.

Furthermore, the PTC is demanding that all news coverage of Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath be immediately stopped, and no more footage of the devastation be shown.  My God, do you want to embolden the other hurricanes out there?  Do you want to teach tropical storms that they can be famous, if they only gain more wind speed and strike land while the President is on vacation?  

At the very least, Congress must pass laws rating various programming of hurricane devastation for content.  For example, The Weather Channel should be immediately blocked in households with children under 17.

Do not expect that the PTC will stop its campaign to end all the vile and disgusting natural disaster programming that infests our airwaves.  Our supporters are out there right now transcribing this speech and sending it to the FCC.  We demand responsibility and justice!  Thank you.

Sincerely,
The Parents Television Council