The Best of Alberto VO5

The hair was immaculate, but what was under it was muddled yesterday, as Alberto "Abu" Gonzalez stumbled through a long session with the Senate Judiciary Committee. The Democrats on the Committee did a far better job asking pertinent questions in this hearing than in the confirmation hearings for Justice Samuel Alito, but then again they were dealing with a much dimmer bulb. To wit:

Gonzales:  President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance on a far broader scale.

Quick rule: you cannot have authorized electronic surveillance before the invention of electricity.

(Furthermore, the history geek in me feels compelled to point out that Washington did authorize surveillance of British communiques with Tory sympathizers in the colonies during the Revolutionary War. Which means Gonzales is completely accurate, except for the fact that at the time there was no United States of America, no Office of the President, no Constitution, no bicameral legislature, and no Supreme Court. Other than that, he's spot-on.)

And then there's this pearl of wisdom:

BIDEN: Thank you very much.

General, how has this revelation damaged the program?

I'm almost confused by it but, I mean, it seems to presuppose that these very sophisticated Al Qaida folks didn't think we were intercepting their phone calls.

I mean, I'm a little confused. How did it damage this?

GONZALES: Well, Senator, I would first refer to the experts in the Intel Committee who are making that statement, first of all. I'm just the lawyer.

And so, when the director of the CIA says this should really damage our intel capabilities, I would defer to that statement. I think, based on my experience, it is true -- you would assume that the enemy is presuming that we are engaged in some kind of surveillance.

But if they're not reminded about it all the time in the newspapers and in stories, they sometimes forget.

There was laughter after that, and I'm assuming it was of the "You're the biggest fucking idiot in the world" variety. He's actually insinuating that members of Al Qaeda, an organization dedicated to committing terrorist acts inside the United States, are prone to forgetting how the United States might counteract their efforts. If their minds are that addled, they must not be much of a threat then, huh?

UPDATE: Future President Feingold (if I have anything to say about it) on the "pre-1776" worldview of the President:

At yesterday’s hearing, I reminded the Attorney General about his testimony during his confirmation hearings in January 2005, when I asked him whether the President had the power to authorize warrantless wiretaps in violation of the criminal law.  We didn't know it then, but the President had authorized the NSA program three years before, when the Attorney General was White House Counsel.  At his confirmation hearing, the Attorney General first tried to dismiss my question as "hypothetical" before stating "it's not the policy or the agenda of this President to authorize actions that would be in contravention of our criminal statutes."  Yesterday, he tried to claim that he had told the truth at that hearing, bringing the parsing of words to new lows.  I think it is clear that the Attorney General misled the Committee and the public not only about the NSA wiretapping program but about his views on presidential power.  That broader issue was central to the debate over his nomination.

The Attorney General's lack of candor adds to the already mounting credibility problem that this Administration faces. One of the things I tried to do in my second round of questions yesterday was to point out how incomplete and misleading the President's comments on the NSA program in the State of the Union address were.

This administration reacts to anyone who questions this illegal program by saying that those of us who demand the truth and stand up for our rights and freedoms somehow has a pre-9/11 world view. In fact, the President has a pre-1776 world view.  Our government has three branches, not one.  And no one, not even the President, is above the law.

Having a post-1776 worldview would involve, you know, knowing history and having a brain. Alberto VO5 only has the hair.