The Homer Simpson Defense

There's a sequence in "The Simpsons" that always cracks me up. Homer gets into an accident with both of the family's cars (don't ask), and an insurance agent comes out to give him his claim money.

Agent: Now, before I give you the check, one more question. This place "Moe's" you left just before the accident. This is a business of some kind?

Brain: Don't tell him you were at a bar! Gasp! But what else is open at night?

Homer: It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.

Brain: Heh heh heh. I would'a never thought of that.

When I see the conundrums into which the Bush Administration always seems to get themselves, I can't help thinking of that quote. It happens over and over again: a revelation appears in the media, for which there can only be two explanations - Team Bush is either lying or incompetent. When pressed, they always go for incompetent.

-"I don't think anybody could have predicted that these people would take an airplane and slam it into the World Trade Center, take another one and slam it into the Pentagon; that they would try to use an airplane as a missile, a hijacked airplane as a missile."

-"I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees."

-"I don't know anyone who wasn't caught off guard by Hamas's strong showing,"

-and, in the most recent example, "You know, I saw some reporting talking about how this latest revelation — which is not something that is new; this is all old information that’s being rehashed — was an embarrassment for the White House. No, it’s an embarrassment for the media that is out there reporting this."

That last one is a new spin. When confronted with the fact that internal reports had concluded that the "mobile bioweapons labs" confiscated in early 2003 had nothing to do with the making of biological weapons, and questioning how the President could say "We found the weapons of mass destruction" two days later, and asked if the President was lying or incompetent (having not gotten the memo in time), McClellan says, "Not only were we incompetent, but you should be ashamed of yourself for telling everyone that we're incompetent!"

They're perpetually Homer Simpson with the insurance agent. Do I admit I was at the bar, and by default risk revealing that I was lying about being sober at the time of the accident, or do I simply claim that I'm an incompetent boob who was buying pornography late at night, in front of my wife and kids?

The mantra seems to be that the Bushites can never admit to a lie, because it would damage their reputation. And yet, this constant avowal of incompetence has a cumulative effect. Not only is Bush polling at historic (for him) lows on honesty and trustworthiness anyway, I have to assume that the overall approval rating slide has to be affected by these guys coming out day after day and saying "Don't listen to the media, we're not liars, we're incompetent!" The point is that people have gotten the incompetent message, both empirically and by listening to the Press Secretary announce it proudly, and they're still skeptical on the trustworthiness scale. It's as if they're thinking, "Can they possibly be THAT incompetent? They have to be lyig a little bit, right?"

Another instructive exchange between Homer Simpson and his brain is this one:

Administrator: And what are your reasons for wanting a Little Brother?

Brain: Don't say revenge! Don't say revenge!

Homer: Uh, revenge?

Brain: That's it, I'm gettin' outta here. [footsteps, and a door slam]

I'd say the collective Bush brain, if not already out the door, is putting on its coat.