Winning the War on Farming

Those new USDA speeches should be pretty exciting:

Career appointees at the Department of Agriculture were stunned last week to receive e-mailed instructions that include Bush administration "talking points" -- saying things such as "President Bush has a clear strategy for victory in Iraq" -- in every speech they give for the department.

"The President has requested that all members of his cabinet and sub-cabinet incorporate message points on the Global War on Terror into speeches, including specific examples of what each agency is doing to aid the reconstruction of Iraq," the May 2 e-mail from USDA speechwriter Heather Vaughn began.

Another attachment "contains specific examples of GWOT messages within agriculture speeches. Please use these message points as often as possible and send Harry Phillips , USDA's director of speechwriting, a weekly email summarizing the event, date and location of each speech incorporating the attached language. Your responses will be included in a weekly account sent to the White House."

The writer, Al Kamen, actually posted the sample speech lines that the White House sent along to the USDA.

"Several topics I'd like to talk about today -- Farm Bill, trade with Japan, WTO, avian flu . . . but before I do, let me touch on a subject people always ask about . . . progress in Iraq."

"We are helping the Iraqi people build a lasting democracy that is peaceful and prosperous - one that will never again be a safe haven for terrorists, and will serve as a model for freedom in the broader Middle East."

"But significant challenges remain to overcome the devastation at the hands of Saddam Hussein - including the damage done to Iraqi agriculture."

"USDA is providing ongoing support to the new Iraqi Government in its efforts to reconnect with the US agriculture community and meet commercial food import needs. The Iraqis have also discussed specific products, like tomatoes, which they are anxious to export into the world community."

I don't know about you, but whenever I tune in to the latest Department of Agriculture speech on C-SPAN 9, I find myself wondering, "Why are they not discussing their role in foreign policy? I mean, are they out to lunch or what?"

I mean, where is the USDA on North Korea? What are the effects to the kimchee supply? What about Kazakhstan? Sure, there's an oil pipeline there, but really the major burning question on the minds of America is, "What about the beshbarmak?"

This is so pitiful, so irrelevant, and so sad. No wonder this Administration is in the tank. They're worried about happy talk at the Department of Freakin' Agriculture while soldiers remain in danger, while New Orleans remains a disaster area, while health costs skyrocket.

It used to be kind of amusing, but now it's just pathetic. It's like the Stepford Wives have populated the cabinet, robotically muttering talking points that directly contradict reality. And the public can't take it anymore.