Can Satan Get Out the Vote??????

So it's primary election day in Utah. There's a race in the third district that is setting up as a possible bellweather for the immigration debate. Incumbent Republican Chris Cannon is a moderate who supported a guest worker program in the past. His opponent John Jacob (Jingleheimer Schmidt? His name is my name too!) is a hardliner who has assailed Cannon as pro-amensty. Of course, there are skeletons in Jacob's closet as well, having allegedly hired immigrants without work permits.

So, an interesting race, showing the fracture in the Republican caucus over immigration. We'll see what happens. That's it, right?

Well... that, and the fact that Jacob thinks Satan is trying to keep him down:

"There's another force that wants to keep us from going to Washington, D.C.," Jacob said. "It's the devil is what it is. I don't want you to print that, but it feels like that's what it is."

Jacob said Thursday that since he decided to run for Congress against Rep. Chris Cannon, Satan has bollixed his business deals, preventing him from putting as much money into the race as he had hoped.

Numerous business deals he had lined up have been delayed, freezing money he was counting on to finance his race.

"You know, you plan, you organize, you put your budget together and when you have 10 things fall through, not just one, there's some other, something else that is happening," Jacob said.

Asked if he actually believed that "something else" was indeed Satan, Jacob said: "I don't know who else it would be if it wasn't him. Now when that gets out in the paper, I'm going to be one of the screw-loose people."

Yes. Yes you are.

The real question is whether or not Satan is actually a part of the Cannon campaign, or is he part of a 501 (c) (3) independent expenditure group. AND, is the Prince of the Night consulting and coordinating with Cannon to get their messages straight. When the Father of Lies spreads locusts across Utah, is that THE SAME DAY as Cannon announces an NRA endorsement? When The Tempter causes the San Pitch River to overflow with blood, is that scheduled around Cannon ads claiming "I will fix the blood river problem, once and for all"?

Incidentally, this is not one statement out of context. Jacob has said this REPEATEDLY.

Jacob initially said the devil was working against him during a Wednesday immigration event, then reiterated his belief Thursday in a meeting with The Salt Lake Tribune editorial board.

"There's a lot of adversity. There's no question I've had experiences that I think there's an outside force," he said.

Jacob, who like Cannon is LDS, said he is not the only one who is being opposed by Beelzebub. He said both Cannon and Sen. Bob Bennett have lost millions of dollars since going to Congress, and he believes their adversity is rooted in the same dark origins.

Cannon's campaign would not address whether Lucifer is opposing either candidate.

Look at the Cannon campaign ducking the issue! Has Lucifer been robo-calling on your behalf or not? Answer the question!

The Democrats have an Iraq War veteran running in this district named Torin Nelson, and Christian Burridge. I don't know if Beelzebub would switch parties and help the Burridge or Nelson campaigns should Jacob win the primary. But clearly, the Lord of Hades does not want John Jacob in Congress, and I believe he's prepared to do whatever it takes.

Seriously, this should absolutely be a campaign issue in November if Jacob pulls this one out. What a lunatic.