Federal Even-yeared Anti-terror Response (FEAR) Unit: Back In Action!

2004 was a banner year for the secretive group known as FEAR: the Federal Even-yeared Anti-terror Response Unit. They spent all of 2003 napping and catching up on reading, as their vital services to the nation weren't needed in an off-election year. But as soon as the clock struck midnight and the ball dropped in Times Square, suddenly FEAR had to be ready. Whenever possible, they had to announce terror alerts and threats, be they based on years-old information or entirely in reaction to damaging news events. These brave men and women of the FEAR Unit, under the direction of Corporal Tom Ridge (the guy that doesn't do politics at the Department of Homeland Security, but does meet with Republican pollsters during the campaign as the head of the FEAR Unit), had one solitary mission: to protect the President's poll numbers, no matter what the cost in lives or personal credibility.

After a year hiatus, they're back again.

And this time, they have a new leader. Major General Chertoff spent 2005 preparing for what looked to be a daunting 2006 campaign for the FEAR Unit. So diligent was Maj. Gen. Chertoff with his studies of how to properly release terror alerts, how to hype nonexistent threats, how to make things sound more dangerous than they actually are, that he had to neglect his other duties. It was a tough price to pay, but it increased his FEAR Unit readiness for the difficult election season ahead. And he'd have a lot of help this time, particularly from Field Lieutenant Gonzales.

The first salvo by FEAR Unit this year concerned breaking up an Al Qaeda terror cell in Miami. Well, an Al Qaeda terror cell that weren't all Muslim, that in fact preached an obscure religion of their own creation called the Seas of David, that had no money for any weapons or explosives or even ammonium nitrate (that's fertilizer) and indeed were caught when they met with an FBI agent, asking for money for supplies, including terror boots and terror uniforms, since they had no cash of their own but wanted to start a "full ground war" against the US with their 7 members.

The residents said FBI agents spent several hours in the neighborhood showing photos of the suspects and seeking information. They said the men, who appeared to be in their teens or 20s, had lived in the area about a year.

The men slept in the warehouse, said Tashawn Rose, 29. "They would come out late at night and exercise. It seemed like a military boot camp that they were working on there. They would come out and stand guard."

She talked to one of the men about a month ago: "They seemed brainwashed. They said they had given their lives to Allah."

Rose said the men tried to recruit her younger brother and nephew for a karate class. "It was weird," she said.

This was a bold first step by FEAR Unit, one which certainly got the attention of citizens from the battleground state of Florida, and the residents of the largest city in the Midwest. However, many were suspicious. It appears that the FEAR member (also known as an FBI informant) was not only agreeing to supply the Seas of David, he was egging them on:

The Feds conceded that the group had no weapons and no detailed plan to carry out an attack. There is no evidence that the men were in contact with actual members of Al Qaeda or other terrorist groups.

In other recent cases, the Feds have used informants to penetrate homegrown cells, and have usually won convictions. Last week some civil-liberties activists complained that the informant's prodding may have helped create a plot that otherwise wouldn't have existed. But prosecutors say they weren't about to wait around to find out. "They certainly had the will," said U.S. Attorney R. Alexander Acosta. "They were searching for the way."

Clearly FEAR had to be vigilant. And they had to think bigger. It was time to roll out the big guns. That's right. The Big Apple.

The FBI has uncovered what officials consider a serious plot by jihadists to bomb the Holland Tunnel in hopes of causing a torrent of water to deluge lower Manhattan, the Daily News has learned.

The terrorists sought to drown the Financial District as New Orleans was by Hurricane Katrina, sources said. They also wanted to attack subways and other tunnels.

This was a jewel. You had New York, the Holland Tunnel, floods, a real catastrophe. You even had a pledge of support from the late Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Except there's no evidence that he provided any support, financially or tactically.

Oh, and the Holland Tunnel wasn't involved either.

Mr. Mershon said today that the Holland Tunnel was not, in fact, the plot's target. He described it as plot involving "martyrdom, explosives and certain of the tubes connecting New Jersey and Lower Manhattan."

Michael Chertoff, the secretary of Homeland Security, said in Boston this afternoon that a "threat stream" had come to light several months ago, but he declined to give any details on what the plot's target was.

Mr. Chertoff acknowledged that the plot did not pose an imminent threat. But he said the London railway bombings, which took place a year ago today, showed the importance of quick action in the face of threats, even those in their early stages. "The distance between planning and actual operations is a very short distance," he said.

"Sometimes, that causes skeptics to say the threats are not really serious," he said. "But mixing a bomb in a bathtub does not require rocket science."

Now that's the kind of quick thinking Maj. Gen. Chertoff must have learned in FEAR's odd-numbered off-year!

Did I mention that none of the suspects were within 6,000 miles of their intended target?

No one involved in the plot had set foot in the United States, Mr. Mershon said. Mr. Kelly said no bomb materials had been acquired and no reconnaissance had been conducted by the plotters.

Also the conspirators looked to be rank amateurs:

There were conflicting assessments among U.S. counterterrorism officials about the significance of the alleged plot.

Two U.S. counterterrorism officials, speaking on the condition that their names and agencies not be identified because the FBI is the government's lead agency, discounted the ability of the conspirators to carry out an attack.

One said the alleged plot was "not as far along" as described and was "more aspirational in nature." The other described the threat as "jihadi bravado," adding "somebody talks about tunnels, it lights people up," but that there was little activity to back up the talk.

But look at the headlines! Plastered on the front pages of newspapers across America! FEAR Unit was getting the word out. They weren't just stopping terror attacks, they were PUBLICIZING that they were stopping events that had a small chance of being terror attacks!

This is the essence of FEAR Unit's mission. To make the Capitol and the White House safe for Republicans, to make sure the citizenry is paralyzed with anxiety, and to make sure the Democrats are demagogued into a bloody pulp. I know FEAR Unit has the talent and skill to complete their mission in the coming months. Lord knows they won't stop until the first Tuesday in November.

(for more information on FEAR Unit, visit Keith Olbermann's seminal study of them.)