I Need To Say Something To My President.

Dude. Come over here. Sit down for a second.

I know you're busy scaring the bejeezus out of the American public and making proposals that your friends don't even support. So I promise to be brief. But in my capacity as a citizen of this country, you're my employee, and this conversation has been a long time in coming.

First of all, how dare you.

How dare you call me an "appeaser" simply because I don't agree with your tactics in fighting or even slowing down terrorism. How dare you be the one to invoke Nazi Germany, so that we have an upside-down fun-house mirror where the guy with the grandfather who profited from relationships with Nazi financiers tells me, the man whose ancestors were rounded up, hauled into a synagogue at the German-Polish border, and burned alive, that I'M the one soft on Nazism. You don't know the first thing about the history of World War II, where it was your own party that had to be dragged kicking and screaming into the fight. You don't have any right to use the death of 6 million Jews, including every member of my family except my great-grandparents, to advance your own agenda. Differences of opinion are just that, and your intention to scaremonger and demonize your way to electoral victory is offensive to the core.

But I will be magnanimous and set that aside for a moment. Have you seen the news? Never mind, I'll read it to you.

The surprising announcement comes as Pakistani army officials announced they were pulling their troops out of the North Waziristan region as part of a "peace deal" with the Taliban.

If he is in Pakistan, bin Laden "would not be taken into custody," Major General Shaukat Sultan Khan told ABC News in a telephone interview, "as long as one is being like a peaceful citizen."

On September 12, 2001, Osama bin Laden was hiding in the mountains of Afghanistan, under shield by the ruling government. Five years later, he's hiding in the mountains of Pakistan, under shield by the ruling government, who happens to be the Islamic world's ONLY NUCLEAR POWER. Your strategy for victory has made Osama so uncomfortable that he's had to jump a mile and a half across the border.

Pakistan is a nation with an unfortunate history of arming rogue states. A.Q. Khan, who sold nuclear secrets to Iran, Libya, North Korea and across the globe, has the same nonagression deal with the Pakistani government as Osama bin Laden. How long before the two of them get together over tea?

You have often said that you make no distinction between terrorists and the nations who harbor them. You now have heard that the world's number one terrorist is being harbor by a putative ally, who has allegedly engaged in a massive nuclear buildup of late, one that you knew about and didn't tell Congress.

So I'm wondering why, with all your tough talk and bravado and insistence that you're taking the fight to the enemy, why you have refused to question, pressure, or even engage what everyone can see is the greatest threat to world peace on the planet. One of the few times you agreed with John Kerry in 2004 is when you both cited nuclear proliferation as the greatest issue facing the world, in other words a terrorist getting a nuclear device. A global terrorist is living without fear in a nuclear nation. You stand mute as Pakistan continues to harbor, foment, finance and welcome terror.

Mr. President, or more to the point Mr. Cheney... why are you both trying to kill me? Why do you appear to be deliberately making me less safe? And why are you still allowed to do so?

Because I think you're getting everybody so very angry that the final question I posed to you might not be as ridiculous as you think.

Now go. Make your speech.