I Would've Gotten Away With It, Too, If It Wasn't For You Meddling Mistresses

The brain trust of the Republican Party has read the exit polls, done the hard research, and figured out the reason for their defeat last week: mouthy women who can't shut up about getting strangled:

Although some glitz has come off Mr Rove, Republicans have been more eager to blame botched campaigns and individual ethics scandals. “Bob Sherwood’s seat [in Pennsylvania] would have been overwhelmingly ours, if his mistress hadn’t whined about being throttled,” said Mr (Grover) Norquist.

Any lessons from the campaign? “Yes. The lesson should be, don’t throttle mistresses.”

Yes, a lesson some Congressmen still need to learn:

With a Bible in his hand and looking haggard from two nights behind bars, Rep. Mark Olson, R-Big Lake, walked out of the Sherburne County jail Tuesday seeking forgiveness from his wife, the public and God after being charged with two misdemeanor counts of domestic assault after an incident Sunday at his home.

Olson, 51, who was just elected to his eighth term in the Legislature, stopped short of acknowledging guilt for the charges.

"I have failed terribly in my family affairs. I'm grateful for my wife's strength to speak up. First of all I need God's forgiveness and I need my wife's forgiveness and my family's. Then I need the public's forgiveness and all other officials I've done harm to." Olson was released without bail. He was ordered to stay away from his wife and children and from their home.

Though, to be fair, Olson did throttle a wife, not a mistress. So they're learning!

It's almost good, in a way, that movement conservatives have learned nothing from their losses on Election Night. Grover Norquist is often described as "a leading conservative thinker." Once America's newest jailbird Jack Abramoff gets done dishing the dirt, Norquist will probably be the leading conservative thinker in prison.