The Presidency Has Become a Bad Stephen King Movie

Bush tries to kill the White House press corps with a giant tractor; not an Onion headline.

Touring a Caterpillar factory in Peoria, Ill., the Commander in Chief got behind the wheel of a giant tractor and played chicken with a few wayward reporters [...] "I would suggest moving back," Bush said as he climbed into the cab of a massive D-10 tractor. "I'm about to crank this sucker up." As the engine roared to life, White House staffers tried to steer the press corps to safety, but when the tractor lurched forward, they too were forced to scramble for safety."Get out of the way!" a news photographer yelled. "I think he might run us over!" said another. White House aides tried to herd the reporters the right way without getting run over themselves. Even the Secret Service got involved, as one agent began yelling at reporters to get clear of the tractor. Watching the chaos below, Bush looked out the tractor's window and laughed, steering the massive machine into the spot where most of the press corps had been positioned. The episode lasted about a minute, and Bush was still laughing when he pulled to a stop. He gave reporters a thumbs-up. "If you've never driven a D-10, it's the coolest experience," Bush said afterward. Yeah, almost as much fun as seeing your life flash before your eyes.

David Gregory, NBC News: Thut ther Caterpillar's in maximum overdrive!

Bush: Heh heh, heh heh, eat this, Stretch!

(sounds of gruesome horror and bones crunching)

Movie announcer guy: "Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the cornfield... here comes... the Tractor-In-Chief!"

Bush: Consider that a signing statement!