Cooties

I get the feeling that if Fourthbranch Cheney had to endure questioning from the Congress the way Fredo Gonzales has, it would actually go just as bad, because behind the evil lies a very confused and unintelligent man. Skill in maneuvering does not imply intelligence. Case in point:

In a “chance meeting” on the Senate floor with Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT) in June 2004, Vice President Cheney told Leahy to “f*ck yourself.” According to Leahy’s spokesman, the “exchange began when Leahy crossed the aisle at the photo session and joked to Cheney about being on the Republican side.” Cheney then “‘lashed into’ Leahy for remarks he…made criticizing Iraq contracts won without competitive bidding by Halliburton.”

In the new biography of the Vice President by Stephen Hayes, Cheney claims that the reason he shouted the expletive was because Leahy had been too “close” to him:

"Leahy came over and put his arm around me. And he didn’t kiss me but it was close to it. So I flashed and I told him — I dropped the F-bomb on him. … It was heartfelt."

Leahy was not “close” to kissing Cheney; all he did was try to shake his hand.

This is a guy, by the way, with a lesbian daughter who just had a child with her partner. And apparently anyone coming within a few feet of his personal space deserves a heartfelt "Go fuck yourself." Isn't that close to hate speech, in the legal definition of the term?

Of course, this cover story bears no resemblance to the truth. But that Fourthbranch would come up with this convoluted a lie - that Patrick Leahy's all gay and wanted to make out with him - serves to prove my point that this is not a smart man. So the logical thing for him to do, then, is to run for President. (Since he's already been President for two terms, isn't he constitutionally ineligible?)