As featured on p. 218 of "Bloggers on the Bus," under the name "a MyDD blogger."

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Surge of Fainting After Bloggers Read April Fool's Stories About Clinton Dropping Out

(CP) - Kitchen floors and office buildings all over the country felt a shudder today, as hyperventilating blog readers dropped to the ground by the thousands. Their computer screens typically were set to one of the 15,000 postings about Hillary Clinton suspending her campaign, joining the McCain campaign as Vice President, or abruptly resigning the Senate to join a traveling circus, all of which are deeply funny and original.

A local hospital has experienced a shortage of beds for all the patients coming in with head injuries. "We don't know what to do with them all... wait a second, Hillary's getting a sex change??" said registered nurse Samantha Morgan, before falling off her chair.

A quick study of the proliferation of these posts, meant as jokes for the American holiday of April Fool's Day, have found that most of them can be traced back to one man in Lincoln, Nebraska known as "Funnyman Zero." An Obama supporter, he reportedly "thought it'd be hilarious" to "give everyone a scare and a laugh" during this lull in the primary battle between Sen. Clinton and Sen. Obama, which resumes on April 22nd. "Get it, I wrote that she's dropping out, but you see she's NOT dropping out! This is awesome, I have to forward this as an email to my friends!"

In addition to the clogged emergency rooms, reports from local drugstores with a run on nasal spray and Albuterol are coming in. And the local Apple Store has seen dozens of sheepish customers with cracked or broken laptop screens, presumably from a release of anger after recognizing the joke.

At Talk Left, a blog supporting Sen. Clinton, the blogger using the pseudonym "Big Tent Democrat" was not amused. "This is clearly a deliberate campaign by the Hillary-hating drones to force Clinton out of the race. Will Obama denounce this tactic by his most rabid supporters mired in Clinton Derangement Syndrome? Obama will almost certainly oppose what I said."

Others considered this a technique designed to validate Sen. Clinton's claims that Obama is trying to shut down the race before voting in the final 10 primary states. "Clearly some Clinton supporter wrote that to pin it on the Obama people," said a blogger known as "Probama Noclinton". "How dumb do they think we are?"

In other news, cruise missiles have been launched against Iran.

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