I Did It

I knocked down Blogger so Ann Althouse would be vanquished.

Ain't I a stinker?

And The Kid Has Onion Rings, Too!

Shorter (actually slightly less ridiculous) Ann Althouse: The stock footage that Hillary Clinton bought for her 3 AM ad is clearly racist by virtue of the letters N, I and G in a certain proximity to each other on pajamas which have random letters on them. Therefore, the Clinton campaign is incompetent for putting such a clearly unclear half-message in the middle of their ad.

I guess the Clinton camp went to the "Subtle Half-Racist" stock footage library to grab that shot.

Do you think Althouse knows that political campaigns don't take the time to shoot footage like this (proven, of course, by the fact that Obama used the same shots in his response ad)? Do you think Althouse knows anything?

Deep Into The Mind Of Crazy

Look, the Hillary Clinton "Sopranos" spoof is inconsequential, designed to do nothing but elicit a chuckle. Those on the so-called left that want to read into it (Bill and Hill as Tony and Carmela? Are they saying they're a made family?) might want to take a look at the illogical conclusion of such a probing for meaning.

4. Bill says "No onion rings?" and Hillary responds "I'm looking out for ya." Now, the script says onion rings, because that's what the Sopranos were eating in that final scene, but I doubt if any blogger will disagree with my assertion that, coming from Bill Clinton, the "O" of an onion ring is a vagina symbol. Hillary says no to that, driving the symbolism home. She's "looking out" all right, vigilant over her husband, denying him the sustenance he craves. What does she have for him? Carrot sticks! The one closest to the camera has a rather disgusting greasy sheen to it. Here, Bill, in retaliation for all of your excessive "O" consumption, you may have a large bowl of phallic symbols! When we hear him say "No onion rings?," the camera is on her, and Bill is off-screen, but at the bottom of the screen we see the carrot/phallus he's holding toward her. Oh, yes, I know that Hillary supplying carrots is supposed to remind that Hillary will provide us with health care, that she's "looking out for" us, but come on, they're carrots! Everyone knows carrots are phallic symbols. But they're cut up into little carrot sticks, you say? Just listen to yourself! I'm not going to point out everything.

Yes, someone outside a mental institution wrote that paragraph, and in fact she's a LAW PROFESSOR who might be teaching your children. Be extremely afraid.

Althouse does have a point, though, doesn't she? After all, every object with even a remotely circular shape is a vagina, and everything long and thin is a penis. Of course, most thinking humansgrow out of seeing things this way around the age of 5. Either that, or Althouse is living in a fully unconscious state that can only be unraveled though dream symbolism. In that case, allow me to help her out.

The diner represents a mental prison where Hill and Bill are forever unable to escape. When Hillary falls into the water it's a birth. When they get on the train and ride through the tunnel they are rebirthing themselves just like Hillary is reimagining her health care plan. When Bill falls out of the tree and breaks the branch it means masturbation. And after Johnny Sack walks by, when the snake rapes the stove? That one's fairly obvious.

I doubt if any blogger will disagree with my interpretation.

News of the Odd

Just some fun stuff, some political, some not, I've noticed over the past couple weeks.

• This Jonah Goldberg mini-controversy is hilarious. Anyone who says he's writing a book that "is a very serious, thoughtful, argument that has never been made in such detail or with such care," especially when the book has a cover of a smiley face with a Hitler moustache on it and is called "Liberal Fascism,"... well, is there any need to mock? Oh yeah, by the by, the book is about 24 months late in publication. Probably because he is so diligently making it more thoughtful and more serious. And Wolcott has the last word:

Parenting Bleg [Jonah Goldberg]

Okay, so my four year old daughter desperately wants me to do more magic tricks. All I can really do for her are variations of "Hey, I found a quarter in your ear" stuff. And even then, the prestidigitation isn't really up to snuff. If she were five, she'd be on to me. So, I need really simple, stupid in fact, magic tricks that can be done with little skill, that will impress a four year-old. Any suggestions? -03/24 01:09 PM

Perhaps you could pull a completed manuscript out of your ass and watch those little eyes light up with wonder.

• Ann Althouse bullies yet another person who dares mention the fact that she criticized a liberal blogger for the unforgivable sin of having breasts. This one's on video, and it's pretty hilarious.

• Missile defense strike called on account of rain. Seriously, how much money have we sunk into this crappy system, which can't even FIND targets, yet alone blow them up? And if it rains, it gets washed out? Fortunately, thanks to global warming, that may not be a problem anymore.

• Batshit crazy Minnesota Rep. Michelle Bachmann, bucking for the Katherine Harris scattered-mind-a-like award, wrote campaign supporters asking them to send in astroturf letters to local newspapers as a show of support. The only letters this plea elicited were from a State Senate staffer and the son of a Bachmann aide.

• The former "Pimp of the Year" is headed to prison for running a prostitution ring. Couldn't they have busted him the moment that he won the "Pimp of the Year"? For that matter, shouldn't the runner-up, and indeed every applicant for Pimp of the Year, be similarly arrested? Incidentally, this is serious, he abused these women he employed, but this is among the best quotes ever:

"If he gets out, I know he'll do it again," she said. "That's all he ever talks about - pimping and ho-ing."

• Scientists made a sheep that's 15-percent human. This is yet another example of the President not following through on his promises. He totally said he would ban human-animal hybrids (by the by, if you read that link, you'll see that human-animal hybrids actually have a role to play in medical science and should not be banned at all).

• Rahm Emanuel says Democrats should stay away from Stephen Colbert. Colbert fights back, calls him "Emanuelle," as in Emanuelle in Space.

• Three Jeopardy contestants ended up tied for the first time ever. Full disclosure: this should have happened to me. I was on Jeopardy (almost four years to the day before this tie) and ended up tying for first, and the third contestant would have tied as well, but in Final Jeopardy she crossed out the correct answer and put in a wrong one. I'm just peeved that I didn't get in an AP story.