As featured on p. 218 of "Bloggers on the Bus," under the name "a MyDD blogger."

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Deep Into The Mind Of Crazy

Look, the Hillary Clinton "Sopranos" spoof is inconsequential, designed to do nothing but elicit a chuckle. Those on the so-called left that want to read into it (Bill and Hill as Tony and Carmela? Are they saying they're a made family?) might want to take a look at the illogical conclusion of such a probing for meaning.

4. Bill says "No onion rings?" and Hillary responds "I'm looking out for ya." Now, the script says onion rings, because that's what the Sopranos were eating in that final scene, but I doubt if any blogger will disagree with my assertion that, coming from Bill Clinton, the "O" of an onion ring is a vagina symbol. Hillary says no to that, driving the symbolism home. She's "looking out" all right, vigilant over her husband, denying him the sustenance he craves. What does she have for him? Carrot sticks! The one closest to the camera has a rather disgusting greasy sheen to it. Here, Bill, in retaliation for all of your excessive "O" consumption, you may have a large bowl of phallic symbols! When we hear him say "No onion rings?," the camera is on her, and Bill is off-screen, but at the bottom of the screen we see the carrot/phallus he's holding toward her. Oh, yes, I know that Hillary supplying carrots is supposed to remind that Hillary will provide us with health care, that she's "looking out for" us, but come on, they're carrots! Everyone knows carrots are phallic symbols. But they're cut up into little carrot sticks, you say? Just listen to yourself! I'm not going to point out everything.

Yes, someone outside a mental institution wrote that paragraph, and in fact she's a LAW PROFESSOR who might be teaching your children. Be extremely afraid.

Althouse does have a point, though, doesn't she? After all, every object with even a remotely circular shape is a vagina, and everything long and thin is a penis. Of course, most thinking humansgrow out of seeing things this way around the age of 5. Either that, or Althouse is living in a fully unconscious state that can only be unraveled though dream symbolism. In that case, allow me to help her out.

The diner represents a mental prison where Hill and Bill are forever unable to escape. When Hillary falls into the water it's a birth. When they get on the train and ride through the tunnel they are rebirthing themselves just like Hillary is reimagining her health care plan. When Bill falls out of the tree and breaks the branch it means masturbation. And after Johnny Sack walks by, when the snake rapes the stove? That one's fairly obvious.

I doubt if any blogger will disagree with my interpretation.

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