What a Blistering Critique

Oh boy, have they got Al Franken on the run now. I mean, this Senate candidacy might be over before it's even begun.

See, the Republican Party of Minnesota has put out a blistering document (h/t Wonkette) that compiles "The Facts About Al Franken."

And it's not pretty.

Apparently, unbeknownst to millions of Minnesotans, Franken says "mean" and "partisan" and "divisive" statements for no other reason than to get "laughs".

What kind of sick man would do such a thing?

Franken Jokes About Executing Karl Rove & Scooter Libby. “The President’s father...has said
that outing a CIA agent is treason....What it looks like is going to happen is that [Lewis] Libby and Karl
Rove are going to be executed....I don’t know how I feel about it because I’m basically against the
death penalty, but they are going to be executed.” (CBS’s “Late Show with David Letterman,” October 21, 2005)

That's outrageous! Taking a quote from the President's father, using the fact that treason is a capital crime and fashioning a quip at the expense of Karl Rove and Scooter Libby? How could he call for such an execution? How could he joke about something so serious? What, does he think he's some kind of comedian that appears on talk shows for no other reason but to entertain people? The hell?

But it gets worse.

Franken Hates Rush Limbaugh. Q: “Do you really hate Limbaugh or is he just an easy target?” A: “Both.” (Jennifer Senior, “Al Franken, Democrats' Favorite Comic Is Politically Incorrect,” The Hill, August 25, 1996)

He hates Rush Limbaugh! That's going to destroy him in the Democratic primary! I'll bet he'd put out a book attacking poor Rush, who has no way to defend himself, no megaphone for his point of view!

And then there's more.

Franken Claims “Midwest Values”; Franken PAC Funded By Super Rich Hollywood Liberal
Elites. “The list of contributors to comedian Al Franken's political action committee reads like a
celebrity who's who: singer Barbra Streisand, writer-director Nora Ephron, actor-writer Larry David and
actor Jimmy Smits. … His leadership PAC, Midwest Values PAC, raised $500,000, according to a Research Briefing review of campaign finance reports. … Among the contributors to the PAC were actor Larry Hagman,
directors Christopher Guest and Barry Levinson, and writers Harold Ramis and Aaron Sorkin. ‘Curb
Your Enthusiasm’ star Larry David said he couldn't refuse Franken.” (Frederic J. Frommer, “Al Franken Getting
Celebrity Support,” The Associated Press, July 28, 2006)

You see? Al Franken is the darling of Hollywood elites and liberals! The way they take to him, you'd almost think he's WORKED in Hollywood! (By the way, Norm Coleman would never do such a thing like take money from people he's worked with, like his fellow lawyers... I mean, $470,000 is a piddling sum.)

But that's not all. Apparently Franken likes to use "hyperbole" and "irony" other big-city talk.

Franken Compared Clinton’s Impeachment Trial To Holocaust. “Moments before they delivered
the opening arguments in President Clinton's impeachment trial, the 13 House managers gathered
around a conference table in a meeting room deep inside the cavernous Capitol…. On many days,
there was a sprinkling of empty seats inside the Senate's visitor's gallery, where spectators included
the likes of Whoopi Goldberg and comedian Al Franken. ‘If you can get humor out of the Holocaust, I
guess you can get it here,’ Franken said.” (Paul Schwartzman, “The Trial That Wasn’t,” Daily News, February 14, 1999)

Franken Ridiculed Plight Of Afghan Women. “The event, co-hosted at the W New York Hotel by
Glamour magazine and the Feminist Majority Foundation, attracted such A-list women as Meryl
Streep, Laura Dern, Melissa Etheridge, Marlo Thomas, Glamour editor in chief Bonnie Fuller and Al
Franken, who bombed at the podium, especially with such jokes as, ‘Why don't we focus on what
Afghan women can do? They can cook, bear children and pray. As I recall, that was fine for our
grandmothers.’” (Mitchell Fink With Lauren Rubin, “Liza Wants To Be A Hit, Just Not A Huge One,” New York Daily News, October 20, 1999)

He compared Clinton to the Holocaust! OK, well, he said the word Holocaust. But still! Godwin's Law, Godwin's Law! And he tells jokes that the New York Daily News decided were bad (maybe because they didn't understand them, like the Minnesota GOP -ed.)

Did I mention that Franken is an angry, vile, ANGRY, angry man?

WHEN AL FRANKEN ATTACKS

Franken Called President George H.W. Bush A “Dink.” “And when the networks projected George Bush as the 41st president, comedian Al Franken took to the stage to cheer up the crowd. The Dukakis campaign has asked me to tell you that the views I express here tonight are not the views of the Dukakis campaign, but my own,’ deadpanned the "Saturday Night Live" entertainer-writer. ‘Now that I've got that settled, let me ask you ... " Long pause for effect. ‘ISN'T GEORGE BUSH A DINK?’” (Lois Romano, “Finally! The Fat Lady Sings; In Boston, The Dank Specter Of Defeat,” The Washington Post, November 9, 1988)

I'm pretty confident that the voters of Minnesota will agree that calling somebody a dink 20 years ago pretty much disqualifies you for elected office in perpetuity.

But all of this is fluff. Let me get to the most damaging allegations. First, there are these damning, insensitive remarks made to the future of America, our college students:

Franken Writes Of Delivering Condescending Commencement Address To Technical College
Students:


Graduates Are “The Nation’s Future Air Conditioner Repairmen.” “When I was first
asked to speak at Hartford State Technical College, I jumped at the opportunity. Because,
you see, I thought I had been asked to speak at Harvard, which would have been quite an
honor. But instead I am here with you, the nation’s future air conditioner repairmen.” (Al Franken,
Oh, The Things I Know! Plume, p. 6-7, 2002)


Graduates Are “Already Dead” Because They Will “Live Useless Lives.” “Goethe once
said, ‘A useless life is an early death.’ In Goethe’s terms, most of you are already dead.
Because most of you will live useless lives. You will, you will, and you will.” (Al Franken, Oh, The
Things I Know! Plume, p. 6-7, 2002)


Speech Will “Probably Be Way Over” Graduates’ Heads. “But back to Goethe, and please
remember that I prepared this speech for Harvard students, so it will probably be way over
your heads.” (Al Franken, Oh, The Things I Know! Plume, p. 6-7, 2002)

He called college graduates useless and stupid! All right, sure, he pretended to do that, because it was a fictional passage in his book written in a condescending persona, but STILL. How dare he insult imaginary students with fake invective like that!

But hold on to your hats, kids. Because this is the line that will lose Franken the election, for sure. No doubt about it.

Franken Plan To Reduce Debt: Blast The Elderly In Rockets Over Snake River And Put It On
Pay-Per-View. “Every Sunday, we put an elderly (or terminally ill-person) in a rocket, fire it over the
Snake River, and put it on pay-per-view. The revenues go straight into reducing the debt.” (Al Franken,
Rush Limbaugh Is A Big, Fat Idiot, Island Books, p. 139, 1996)

What senior in their right mind would vote for someone who wants to blast them in a rocket for fundraising purposes? Do YOU want to see Grandma or Grandpa soaring through the stratosphere, live on pay-per-view, just so future generations can have their debt burden lowered? And for those of you who think this is another one of Franken's "jokes," it was part of his serious policy paper "Rush Limbaugh is a Big, Fat Idiot," which I believe he produced for the Brookings Institution. Absolutely everything in that tome is to be taken at face value, particularly the "fat" and "idiot" parts.

This is devastating. If I were Franken, I would not only abandon the campaign, but leave the country. I mean, what if the Minnesota GOP finds out he was already President and he did a terrible job?

Good work while it lasted, Franken, but your past has clearly caught up with you.

(interesting that this comes out in the same week that Fox News tries to put out a comedy show for conservatives. Both serve to prove that they are incapable of getting a joke.)