I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major Idiot

Thanks to MyDD and LAist for the shout-outs about the ongoing California delegate fight. To Wonkette, for which we have Ana Marie Cox and the nexus of politics and ass-fucking to thank, big thanks for their too cool for school approach, which really makes Americans look totally awesome:

While most counts have Hillary Clinton at 207 delegates, she's more likely at about 203. We would give you the details but we find math boring, unless it concerns the price of a hooker. Here's a quote to explain things!

David Dayen, who blogs at the site Calitics and serves on its editorial board, wrote last week that Sen. Clinton won 203 of the state's 370 pledged delegates -- and not the commonly reported total of 207. He relied on updated vote totals from the state, based on late counts of absentee and provisional ballots. Later, when he noticed that several major news organizations still were showing Sen. Clinton with 207 delegates, he wrote a follow-up post explaining his calculation and exhorting, "I know math is hard and everything, but get out your calculators, people."

Thanks for doing the calculations, nerd! Within another month or two we expect Senator Obama to have a clear majority of delegates in California.

You're welcome, moron! Thanks for defining anti-intellectualism down so that anyone who knows how to use a calculator and divide ought to be ashamed of themselves!

And people wonder why our children is not learning.

What Would Tim Hardaway Say?

This is... interesting:

Speaking of George Bush, with whom Sharon developed a very close relationship, Uri Dan recalls that Sharon’s delicacy made him reluctant to repeat what the president had told him when they discussed Osama bin Laden. Finally he relented. And here is what the leader of the Western world, valiant warrior in the battle of cultures, promised to do to bin Laden if he caught him: “I will screw him in the ass!”

George Bush has reflected on the kicking of sorry motherfucking ass in the past, with respect to Saddam Hussein, but this is the first example I've read of his threatening to screw someone in the ass. Interesting, but not illegal currently, thanks to Lawrence v. Texas. However, if Bush wanted to then MARRY bin Laden, he would have to move to Massachusetts.

I'm sorry I have to report on this, given the incivility of it and all.

Of course, now that Al Qaeda has re-established itself in the mountains of Waziristan, setting up training camps and an operations hub, it may be time for Bush to break out the Barry White music again. It's time to ass-screw all over again.

More from Ana Marie Cox, I'm assuming, given the subject matter.

(P.S.: these are my favorite labels ever)